How can you improve your self-esteem?

How to Be More Confident

Self-esteem is not a constant number, like in a maths notebook. It is an indicator of how we think about ourselves: whether we consider ourselves good enough, capable, worthy of love. And most importantly, whether we trust ourselves in this complex world. And although it can fluctuate like Wi-Fi at a country house, the good news is that it can be strengthened. And even... not evaluated at all. Sounds strange? We'll explain everything now.

What influences self-esteem?

Self-esteem is formed from many sources:

• Childhood experiences. Praise, criticism, love or lack thereof — all of these things have an impact.
• Our environment. Friends, family, teachers — they teach us how we ‘should be.’
• Culture and social media. Perfect pictures on Instagram can make you think that everyone around you is brilliant, beautiful and successful, and you are not.

Proof: Harter's 2012 study shows that teenagers who receive support from their close circle have higher self-esteem.

How to stop comparing yourself to others?

This is one of the biggest traps. When we look at others, we only see the cover. But we see our own story – with all its rough drafts.

Here's how to reduce this habit:

• Focus on progress, not perfection. You don't need to be better than anyone else. It's enough to be better than you were yesterday.
• Cut down on content that makes you jealous. Not all accounts need to be in your feed.
• Develop awareness. Practices like mindfulness (being aware of the present moment) help you see reality, not fantasies about other people's lives.

Proof: Festinger (1954) proved in his social comparison theory that constantly comparing yourself to others can be detrimental to your mental health.

Simple techniques for developing confidence

Here are some proven methods that work:

1. The ‘achievement of the day’ technique

Every evening, write down at least one achievement for the day. Even if it's ‘didn't cry during the test.’ This trains your brain to focus on successes.

Proof: confirmed in CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) as a way to increase self-esteem.

2. Affirmations – but honest ones

Don't tell yourself, ‘I'm perfect’ if you don't believe it. Instead, say, ‘I'm doing my best,’ ‘I'm learning and growing.’

The main thing is sincerity.

Proof: Steele (1988) proved the effectiveness of self-affirmation theory: if we remind ourselves of our strengths, it reduces stress and improves self-esteem.

3. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend

When something doesn't work out, don't berate yourself. Imagine that it happened to a friend. What would you say to them? Now say it to yourself.

4. The ‘Three Good Things’ Method

Every evening, write down three good things that happened to you today. They can be small things: you received praise, you finally completed a difficult task, or you simply caught a ray of sunshine on your way home from school.

Proof: Seligman's (2005) study showed that this exercise increases life satisfaction and reduces symptoms of depression.

5. The ‘If I Were My Hero’ Technique

ПImagine that you are a character in a story. What would they say or do in your situation? This helps you look at yourself from the outside, less critically, and see more strength in yourself than you think you have.

6. The power of posture

Yes, it sounds like something out of a superhero movie, but here's the fact: confident posture and body language really affect our mood.

When we stand or sit up straight with our shoulders back, it sends a signal to the brain that everything is under control.

Proof: a study by Carney, Cuddy & Yap (2010) showed that ‘power poses’ change hormone levels and increase feelings of confidence.

7. Things that give you strength

Yes, inner confidence is key. But sometimes external ‘anchors’ help too — those details that remind you, ‘I like myself.’ It could be your favourite outfit, hairstyle, tattoo... or a backpack that says, ‘I know who I am.’

For example, teenagers often choose GoPack backpacks not only for their stylish design, but also because they are a way of expressing themselves. Sometimes it's the little things that give you that extra boost of confidence when you need it most. It's not just about fashion. It's about the feeling that this is mine.

How to maintain your self-esteem on a daily basis?

• Hang out with people who support you. People who make you want to live are the best motivators.
• Learn to say ‘no.’ It's a sign of self-respect, not selfishness.
• Notice what you're good at. Don't ignore your victories, even if they're small. You deserve them.

For those who want to go further

If you want to work on your confidence even more, pay attention to:

• Self-observation diaries. Write down your thoughts, reactions, what caused anxiety or pride. This trains your awareness.
• Cognitive behavioural therapy. This is one of the most effective methods for working on self-esteem.
• Self-compassion. Don't punish yourself, support yourself — even when you make mistakes. This is not weakness, it is the strength of maturity.

And remember: you don't have to wait for someone else to tell you that you are good enough. Tell yourself.

What if you don't need to evaluate yourself at all?

There is also this point of view: self-evaluation is a flawed concept in itself. American psychologist Christopher Germer (Germer, 2009) says that instead of evaluating yourself, it is better to practise self-compassion. That is:

• Be kind to yourself in difficult moments.
• Don't blame yourself.
• Realise that it's okay to make mistakes.

Proof: Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field of self-compassion, has proven that self-compassion has more lasting positive effects than traditional self-esteem.

And one more thing – the most important thing

Mental health is not something extra. It is the foundation on which our entire existence rests: confidence, strength, interest in life, the ability to dream and act.

• Listen to yourself. To your emotions. To fatigue, fear, sadness, anger or joy. This is not weakness, but honesty. And honesty with yourself is a superpower.
• If it's hard, ask for help. A psychologist, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist is not ‘for someone else.’ It's for those who want to live a full, vibrant, and authentic life.
• There's no shame in it. It's too cruel to yourself to remain silent when you're hurting.
• Being confident doesn't always mean being strong. It means having the courage to look inside yourself and say, ‘I need support.’

Self-esteem is like a muscle: it can be trained. But even more important is learning to be on your own side, even when things don't go according to plan.

Be your own friend. Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday..

And remember: you are not a project to be improved, you are a person who already has value. And you know what? You really deserve support. Right now. Just as you are. A virtual hug. Your reliable friend, GoPack.